Sex Maniac

I wake up every week days early in the morning. In my little hut that barely fits the definition of a home. I give my mom a morning greetings and get myself ready for school. Every break time I go to the library, read the daily news and then I do advance studies. After school i rush for my work then at the end of the day I go home and finish my study before I lay on the small bed mat peacefully placed in the floor. Such is the routine I do every weekdays. I am diligent, industrious and a responsible son. Barely even having the stains of vices, I rarely drink, I never smoke and I abhor drugs.

But when 12:00 A.M of Saturday strikes, I rush to go on chat, open my friends listing account, and for countless hours i stay there and wait, like a hungry wolf prowling for a victim. I wait and wait. Then suddenly, the IM buzzes and My day begins with a sequence of lustful pleasure. Sequences of hook-ups, girls, boys, lesbians, people younger than me and people older than me. Flesh to flesh with no protection, naked and bare, sweaty and steaming. The friction and heat of the body contacts makes my body yearn for more. MY insatiable appetite for sex as sheer pleasure cannot be quenched. I yearn for it and I hunger for more.

Finding a partner is not hard for me, because having the the looks and the body makes me a good candidate for a commitment free one night stands. And that is the other face of my pesona that only my sex partners know, the boy that is good only in sex. Yet deep inside, I know it is wrong, I know it is dangerous and I know I am at risk but still I pursue to feed my hunger for flesh.

At the eve of Sunday, as I walk home, I know I have done something wrong. But the other side of me is fulfilled, i have completed a weekend of "fun" as so my evil entity defined it. Yes, I am a sex maniac, I am a cheater and a player. I use people for pleasure. As I grow older, I began to lessen this habit but still I go on hook-ups once in every blue moon, still bare and still naked.

But every after the climax of my evil act I have committed again to the will of the evil inside me, and consciously I know its wrong, its all wrong! I wanted to quit but it has become a habit. Sex gives me a place of refuge, it gives me comfort, and yes the wrong sense of belonging, the sense that gives me the wrong impulses that I am wanted, that I have a value, a wrong sense that I have a friend and I am a human being.

Trust me, its hard to wake up in the evenings thinking that my life is at risk, even if the realizations I have are making a moral consciousness inside me, I just cant quit. I realized I need help, even more than before. Fear, anger and guilt have consumed me and instead of making me stop, it feeds my hunger to have more. I start to shy away from society, to think that I am unclean and different, that I manifested the lowly beast trapped inside a human body.

I need help, I realize I need a friend who can share with me, a friend who does not only want me for sex but a friend who can really hit me when I do something wrong, a friend who can correct me and a friend who understands. Right now, I want myself to be tested for the disease I want to be tested, I need to be tested, I have a social responsibility to protect the people around me, so I am knocking at your hearts, to spare me from the painful judgment and the pointing of fingers, spare me from the painful scrutinies, Please help me, I am just one part of a bigger community who live their life with the insatiable hunger for sex, because we are so consumed by the wrong impulses we attained from doing it